Elaine Caldbeck, Ash Wednesday 2006
Joel 2:1-2,12-17
Matthew 6:1-6,16-21
"Yet even now, says the LORD, return to me with all your heart, with fasting, with weeping and with mourning; rend your hearts and not your clothing."
We gather for our annual reminder that ashes and repentance need to take place deep within ourselves, our souls and bodies. This is not about superficial choices, or impressing others. More directly, as you've probably heard every year in the past, just giving up chocolate or sweets is not the point.
After all, the ashes remind us of the fleeting brevity of human life, a reason to cherish every moment, living life as fully as possible. In doing this we also realize, again in the fullness of our humanity, we are imperfect. Some of our actions and assumptions will be wrong and hurtful; some will be good and nurturing. "Return to the LORD, your God, for he is gracious and merciful, slow to anger, and abounding in steadfast love, and relents from punishing."
Ash Wednesday and Lent act as reminders to reflect on our actions, our missteps and failures. The hope is that when we pause, and reflect, then we might understand our errors and make them less often.
Often, of course, "self-reflection" may not be enough. We may require outside information to realize our errors—this is where God and community come into play.
To me, Seabury-Western has become an amazing model of repentance and striving to change. I saw this embodied at a community meeting a couple weeks ago. The students and Board of Trustees gathered to be in conversation with one another, under the guidance of new President and Dean Gary Hall. We discussed the strengths, weakness, challenges and opportunities facing Seabury. "Call a solemn assembly; gather the people."
In a packed room, the dean, students, staff, alumni and trustees talked about, among other things, the various past failings of the institution. Dean Hall joked; he has so much to apologize for from the past that he can't wait until it is his own errors he has to apologize for, instead of everyone else's. Mistakes faced with honesty and humor. "The LORD is full of compassion and mercy, slow to anger and of great kindness."
In the past, Seabury was an abysmal place for Native American's, African American's, Latinos, international students, women, and other minorities. Many times, the seminary sought to diversify the student body. However, those who were not young American, white, male etc., often had a difficult time; the institution did not consider their needs and or accept them as they were. Just having "good intentions" wasn't enough. In order to "get better at inclusivity"—the seminary had to understand "where we went wrong" in the past. Leaders of the seminary began seeking out and learning from those who had not fit in. Most recently, this fall, a Native American alum returned to talk about "problems" when he attended—and to help everyone in the community begin to understand what "doing it right" might look like. This is not the only "listening and learning" that has taken place, the scope is broad and deep. "The LORD executes righteousness and judgment for all who are oppressed."
Seabury-Western is listening, learning from the past, repenting and finding a new way to be, rending its heart to embrace a new vision of God's call. Wisely, this self-reflection includes humor, and self-acceptance of the reasons for past mistakes. More than that, in the discussion we acknowledged the strengths and greatness of the seminary. This is the both/and nature of reality. For even during the eras when some people had no way to fit in to its mold, and they as the minority had a terrible experience—the seminary served those who fit it very well, the majority were well served. Now, just serving the majority of the students well is not enough. Still we celebrate that Seabury is and has been a very good seminary. At the same time, in honesty and humor, we acknowledge that some of our current and future well-intended efforts may still cause harm, and we will make errors and fail. "He has not dealt with us according to our sins, nor rewarded us according to our wickedness."
I am trying to stress that repentance and humility are not about feeling bad about ourselves or our institutions and becoming existentially depressed. A Holy Lent is a call to become aware of our errors, repent, turn from our flaws and know joy. The treasures are not in material things, or displaying our piety, but in the love and relationships of living well within the Love of God. The grace of God opens the way for us to grow into our Savior's love for us. In the welcoming love of the Divine, we acknowledge failure, repent and free ourselves to better share that love with one another and all humanity. This is the treasure—the gift and greatness of Christian life. "Do not store up for yourselves treasures on earth, where moth and rust consume and where thieves break in and steal; but store up for yourselves treasures in heaven, where neither moth nor rust consumes and where thieves do not break in and steal. For where your treasure is, there your heart will be also."
We are like dust and to dust we shall return—an excellent reason to cherish the time and people we have, as well as to give of ourselves while we still live. In doing this we also realize, again in the fullness of our humanity, we are imperfect. Some of our actions and assumptions will be wrong and hurtful; some will be good and nurturing. Examine your hearts, repent, and thrive; God created each and every one of us and loves us as we are.