OK, so I keep having these oral defense dreams. They are pretty weird and symbolic. I am not always sure what the connections are between the images/ideas and my actual pre-defense stress, but I am certain that the dreams are inspired by what will happen on Oct 4th.
Basically I am having two different dreams. The characters and scenery change, but the themes are strong and consistent. The first dream involves me going to an amusement park (the last one was Disneyland). The problem is that I can never quite get there. For example, in my last dream I get on the parking shuttle tram that takes you to the front gate. The tram driver goes through a tunnel and stops at this underground mall, declaring that we have 1 hour before the tram will again depart for the front gate. I am sitting there thinking, “Why don’t you just take us to the front gate?” Everyone gets off the train, completely content to go shopping for an hour. The dream ends with me sitting there wondering why we have to wait an hour to get to the park.
I have had at least half a dozen dreams like this. All of them have two elements 1) I have no control over my desired destination—someone else is always driving or in control; and 2) there is always an unexpected detour. I guess if I thought about it hard enough the meaning of this dream is pretty obvious (I really hadn’t thought about it too much until now).
The second dream, however, is a bit more difficult to understand. In this second dream, I am flying. Sometimes I am just flapping my arms. Last night, I was wearing overalls (I never wear overalls), and I as I yanked on them upward, the pant part of my overalls would fill with air, causing me to gain about 10 feet in altitude. If I kept doing this, I would stay floating high above the traffic. I am always going to school in these dreams, but I never arrive at my destination. I just get caught up in floating over the streets and cars.
If there are any dream analysts out there, feel free. I never really understand my subconscious, but I suppose that is why it is called the subconscious (duh!).
This is the sermon that I preached to the incoming students at Seabury on this second day of orientation.
Words have always fascinated me. They have the power to shape reality, to define things unseen, and to give us hope. In two weeks, I will be defending my dissertation, and I will be looking forward to hearing one word—a word for which I have worked long hours and have waited many years to hear, “sustained.” In that great test of tests, it doesn’t matter how much I struggle to find my own words or if I mess up on an answer to a hard text critical question. I might even look foolish in a response or two. But as long as I hear, “sustained,” at the end of the day, none of the previous words of that session will matter much. Because even if I pass by the skin of my teeth, when all is said and done, that word will activate for me a new title, another most excellent word, “doctor.” By the way, you can also use this last word to define my changed status when I get back. Somehow I think that I won’t grow tired of it. All of this to say, “I BELIEVE IN THE POWER OF WORDS.”
Words and expressions also have the uncanny ability to wound, to rip into our very souls and the souls of others, and to divide us one from another. I remember when I was in 2nd grade, I came home from school and declared to my mom that I was Chinese. Of course, this confused my mother, since she knew without a doubt that I was a full-blooded, third generation, Japanese American. So she asked me, “Why do you think you are Chinese?” I answered, “Because my friend Scott told me that Japanese people were stupid, and I know I’m not stupid, so I must be Chinese.” Even at a young age, maybe especially at a young age, the words of others have the power to shape reality in ways that can damage and wounds us, make us doubt our sense of worth, and dislodge our sense of belonging in this world. For better or for worse, I BELIEVE IN THE POWER OF WORDS.
St. Matthew, the evangelist, whom we celebrate today, was both a master of words and a student of them. Here is a scholar and teacher who understood the power of words. In fact, this whole section from Matthew’s gospel is filled with examples of how Jesus’ words have power and authority to affect things. A centurion from the previous chapter understands this. This man looks for Jesus to heal his paralyzed servant, he says, “Lord, I am not worthy to have you come under my roof; but only speak the word, and my servant will be healed.” Jesus declares that he has never seen such faith. The centurion understands the power of Jesus’ words, and his servant is healed. Later, as Jesus and his disciples are traveling by boat on the sea, a storm arises, and the boat becomes swamped. Jesus, who was taking a nap, awakes and hushes the storm with the rebuke of his voice. He commands even the sea with his word. And there other examples, demons are cast out through a single word, “Go!” Paralytics walk, sins are forgiven, misguided religious leaders are stymied and put in their place, sinners and tax collectors become members of the household of God, and one tax collector in particular is transformed into an apostle. All with the power of Christ’s word.
This passage also illustrates a crucial difference between God’s word and our word. When God says something it happens. Always. True, it does not always happen when we would like or expect it to happen. But God’s word always comes to pass. Would that my words were so effective (I know that it would make parenting much easier).
This is the story of salvation. In the beginning, God said, “Let there be light.” And ... (there was light). God delivers the Israelites from the bondage of Egypt and calls them to be God’s people on Sinai through the 10 words—the Ten Commandments. God said through the prophets, “I have had enough, my children are going into exile at the hands of the Babylonians.” And it was so. And God also declared that judgment would not be the final word. That God’s people would again return home, and that Israel would be a light to the nations. When God speaks, stuff happens. I had a theology professor when I was in college, who had a bumper sticker that read, “God said it, I believe it, that settles it.” Apparently he was troubled with the theology of this sticker, so he crossed out with permanent black ink, the words, “I believe it” (so that it read, “God said it ... that settles it.”). Did it look good on his car? Not really. Was it the truth? Absolutely.
In our gospel today we heard those two very potent, and for Matthew two life-altering words, “Follow me.” Sound familiar to any of you? Many of you would not be here except for those two words, “Follow me.” You have left many of the comforts of your life, including the communities in which you feel at home and empowered; and you have come to this place. You have put your futures on the line—especially your financial futures—so that you could respond to this call: “Follow me.” Take heart my friends, God’s word will not return void. It will accomplish what it was supposed to accomplish. God will bring it to completion, because that is what God’s word does.
And if God’s word gets faint, which it does sometimes because of the anxieties and busyness of our lives. Let us return to God’s word in scripture. Let us see God’s word at work within the lives of those around us. Let us hear from each other, God’s words of encouragement and sustenance. And if those aren’t enough, let us come to this table often and eat of God’s Word, the very body and blood of our Lord Jesus Christ. Amen.
I wanted everyone to know that my defense is public, which means theoretically that anyone can attend. This is not some lame plea to get people to come. I realize that plane tickets, hotel rates, and rental cars are not cheap, especially in Princeton, NJ. Moreover, though I am going to be in Princeton for most of the weekend, I am leaving two to three hours after my defense on Monday to catch a plane back to Chicago so that I can teach my Tuesday morning class. Rest assured, if things go successfully, there will be plenty of time to celebrate when I get home.
I just wanted all of you to know that you are invited to come and watch me get grilled, if you are into that kind of thing. I still have some friends back in Princeton (some who occasionally read this blog), so I will not be heading into this alone. I make this invitation because I have told some of you at various points in time that I would prefer that no one be at my oral defense. After having talked with some people, however, I have seen the wisdom in having friends present.
Once again, for public announcement:
My oral defense is schedule for Monday, Oct 4th @ 1:30 p.m. in the Alexander Hall Oratory.
I have a defense date. This is good news, but not the kind that gives me a huge amount of relief. I still have to defend this thing, which makes me anxious (it's supposed to make me feel anxious). The date is Oct 4th. It's coming soon, but thank God that I have a date.