Interstitiality

Missing Out

Today I realized something that has been lacking in my life as an ABD (All But Dissertation) Ph.D. candidate.

I miss having people around me to whom I can bitch and moan about the powers that be. This is a contextual skill that Ph.D. students have down to an art form, although M.Div. students are pretty good at it too ;). This is not to say that I haven't leaned on the likes of Trevor, AKMA, Michelle and many others during this period of revisions. I have imposed on them, and they have been a great support. I have noticed, however, that I really miss having colleagues who are hunkered down in the trenches with me, drinking coffee and cokes with me in the Ph.D. lounge as we collectively lob verbal grenades at those nameless powers (well, sometimes the powers have names). We know full well that the fortress, which we are trying to destroy, is the very place in which we hope to be working when we "grow up." That's part of the fun and catharsis of it all.

I guess part of what makes my situation odd is that I am inbetween two spaces--or maybe it's a third, interstitial space. I am already part of the system, the institution of higher learning, the infamous ivory tower. Yet, I also am still a lowly doctoral student, just trying to get through in any way I can. I can't decide if I'm Doogie Howser or Billy Madison.

I know I sound a bit cynical right now. Sorry.

What's weird is that after I graduate--and I will graduate--I will wax poetic about the good ole days at Princeton. Funny how a ritual like this writing process works that way.

yeow...ahhh

As I sit here typing this entry, my spouse is giving me a neck rub. So much pleasure and pain all at once--a sure sign of God's work. yeow...ahhh...

New Development

I'm beginning to think that I shouldn't give updates until I know for sure what is going on. Apparently, there was a misunderstanding between my committee members and the rule makers. Now there is a chance that I could graduate and walk this year. We'll see.

And then there's this...

You are a David Weinberger.
You are smart, savvy, interested in why people do what they do,
enjoy questioning yourself and are not balding.
Take the What Blogging Archetype Are You test at GAZM.org

No comment on the "not balding" part.

Setback

There have been a few setbacks in my Ph.D. journey, but I hit one of the biggest to date.

I don't want to get into specifics, because I really do believe that it is not very beneficial for me to complain at this point, esp. on a blog (I assure all of you, I have confided in friends). The long and short of it, I am not going to "walk" at Princeton Seminary's 2004 graduation. My committee wants me to work more on my diss. This came as a bit of a surprise needless to say since until about a week ago, most of the feedback from my committee assumed that I would finish with revisions by March. I will graduate this year, but will not defend in enough time to "walk."

I really DO believe that my committee wants the best for me and my work. Still, I'm disappointed and angry. I have to let it go though so that I can get to these revisions.

Keep praying folks. It looks like resurrection and Easter may come a little late for this Ph.D. candidate.

Bowling for Columbine

Saw Bowling for Columbine again last night. It is a great movie! Sure, you may not always agree with Michael Moore's take on things, but some of this movie's take on America is right on the money.

Marilyn Manson, of whom I am not a big fan, gives some brilliant analysis of American culture. Commenting on American television and news, he suggested that the messages on TV are about fear and consumption. The news freaks you out and makes you afraid to go outside, after which you get a steady diet from companies telling you to "Buy this or that and all your worries will go away." The irony of this statement coming out of Marilyn Manson--the poster child for fear--is just too rich. The shock rocker comes across as a voice of reason in a fear-full culture. Brilliant.

OK, I'll bite...

Here's yet another quiz. This time from Tripp...

You're Loosely Based!
by Storey Clayton
While most people haven't heard of you, you're a really good and interesting person. Rather clever and witty, you crack a lot of jokes about the world around you. You do have a serious side, however, where your interest covers the homeless and the inequalities of society. You're good at bringing people together, but they keep asking you what your name means.
Take the Book Quiz at the Blue Pyramid.

Mel the Catholic

I had a little chat at the bus stop with some Dewey parents. We were discussing Mel's little talk with Diane last night on ABC. I did not see the whole interview, but was both impressed and perplexed.

I still don't get why people respond to claims of a movie being antisemitic with the rhetoric of authorship--"I didn't intend it to be antisemitic." I agree that Mel G. is not an antisemite simply because he is a pre-Vatican II catholic. But his discourse, in this case a film, can be utilized toward antisemitic ends. Abraham Foxman, national director of the Jewish Anti-Defamation League, put it well:

"This is his vision, his faith; he's a true believer, and I respect that," Foxman said. "But there are times that there are unintended consequences. I believe that this movie has the potential to fuel anti-Semitism, to reinforce it."

Microsoft Plot

I was talking with Shana Price the other day about writing blocks. I think Microsoft contributes to this illness. Every new version of Windows has a better Solitaire game, as if the first one wasn't addicting enough. I can't tell you how many wasted hours I have spent playing this game. Yes, I have a PS 2. My oldest son has a Game Cube, and he is saving for an XBox (which always draws from me a big fat, "I told you should have got an XBox"). I have all this and more, but I still love to waste time playing good old-fashioned solitaire. Back to Microsoft...Windows XP comes with Spider Solitaire, which is a blast and even more addicting. I'm convinced that Microsoft is trying to make me late on all of my writing deadlines.

It is Finished

Well at least the first draft that is. I handed in the first draft of my dissertation to my committee yesterday. Now to the revisions!

A Valentine's Compromise

Well, the idea of getting Sarah McLachlan tickets for a valentine's day gift fell through. It's hard to say, "be my valentine," from the cheap seats. I would rather listen to a live album.

I think that I have settled on the Psychedelic Furs who are playing with Berlin next month at the House of Blues. Now if I could find my old Honda Accord with surf racks then it would be a perfect 80's date. Richard Butler used to look like a shriveled mass of humanity back in 1982. I can only wonder what he looks like now the he is in his 50's.

The great thing about Michelle's dislike of blogs, is that she hardly ever reads mine. The secret is safe.

Dreams follow up...

I often have thought that it would be funny to put together a book of dreams that people have had prior to final exams, ordination exams, oral defenses, job interviews, etc.

I remember when I was preparing for my comprehensive Ph.D. exams, I had a dream where Pat Miller, one of the senior faculty at Princeton Seminary, was asking me a question in some unknown language. It wasn't German, French, Hebrew, Greek, Aramaic, Ugaritic or Akkadian. I responded to his question with, "I'm sorry could you repeat the question, I don't understand." He said the question a second time, and a third time. But I still had no idea what he was asking! I became frantic and started saying over and over, "I don't understand, I don't understand, I don't understand..." I woke up saying these words aloud. Yikes!

Another friend in the doctoral program told me about a dream in which he was asked to state his theological position on smoking. What the #@$%?

Your mind does some weird things when you are under that kind of stress.

Pre-Defense Dreams

I'm already starting to have dreams about my oral defense. I had a pretty vivid one last night. Though the setting within the dream was not at Princeton Seminary, I knew that this dream was working through some pre-defense anxiety.

I was standing in front of a class, with my colleagues in attendance, and I was spouting nonsense. Then all of my colleagues started verbally challenging me, and I didn’t have an answer. I just stood there socially humiliated, without a lick of intelligence.

Yep, that was a pre-oral defense dream. No doubt about it.

Privacy?

Michelle doesn't like blogs. She sees them as an invasion of privacy. I get her point. Still, I don't view blogs as online journals. Every form of discourse or communication has boundaries.

These boundaries help determine what is appropriate or inappropriate in terms of what is shared. We recognize these boundaries and protect them through policies, social contracts, and, sometimes, good ole fashioned shame ("Yo, Frank that's TMI!"). For example, if I go to see a therapist and share my deep pathologies, she is bound by a code of ethics and, in most cases, the law not to share this information with anyone else. Within such an environment, I would be less likely to censor myself in terms of what I say. The point, after all, is for me to work out what is going on inside of me. It would be totally inappropriate for me, however, to share such secrets in a church newsletter or from the pulpit (though I have seen some pastors try to air their own and other people's dirty laundry through veiled "messages from the pastor," but that's another story). Even within the context of friendship, I might not divulge my inner chambers in the same way as I did in the therapist's office. Within each context, things like appropriateness, confidentiality and intimacy change based on the social rules that govern the different types of communication.

One of the difficulties that I have found with blogging is that we are still "writing the rules," so to speak on what counts as appropriate and inappropriate social discourse. Often, we don't know if we have crossed a line until we cross it. Now, I'm sure that David Weinberger, AKMA, and other people who spend more time thinking about such things, have addressed this topic. I confess with much shame my ignorance on matters of blogging communities and the ethics of online discourse. I would guess, however, that one of the issues involved in this topic is the nature of community within the blogging medium.

Another topic that has caught my interest of late, which may or may not be related to the preceding discussion, is what I perceive (again a novice's perception) as an increasing exhibitionism and concurrent voyeurism within our culture. People like to show off more, and stranger yet, people like to watch. Reality TV has capitalized and may have generated some of the fervor around this trend within pop culture.

I suppose if blogging fits into the larger cultural wave described above, then it really is an invasion of privacy. As far as I can tell, however, within my limited space within blogaria, much more goes on in blogs than a simple sharing of what is happening in your life from day to day, hour to hour. If one desires to allow others this kind of access into their life--a sure sign of the exhibitionism/voyeurism within popular culture--a 24-hour web cam would probably suit you better. Blogs allow for people to reflect intelligently, humorously, spiritually, and mundanely on topics that interest them, including their everyday, ordinary life. As Heather's blog implies, "rambling is good for the soul." If she is right, then I should feel pretty good about now. Time to end this reflection.

A win for the Saints

The Saints got their first win in the NU IM basketball league. It was a fun game that we allowed to get very close at the end. The win marks an end to the Saints 0-7 losing streak in IM play. Thank God!

NU Happenings

There is always interesting stuff going on at NU. I noticed two recently.

First, pianist and conductor Daniel Barenboim will discuss the life and works of Edward Said. Barenboim, an Israeli Jew, and Said, a Palestinian, were good friends. Their reflections on music and culture are found in a book, entitled, Parallels and Paradoxes.

Also, tonight, for those of you West Wing fans, Josh Malina, will be giving a talk at Pick Staiger Concert Hall at 7:30. He tends, from what I hear, to be out- spoken in his support of Israel. I found it a little odd that he was speaking at a time and night that conflicts with the show's time slot. Hmmmm.

Another one bites the dust

Well, there's another one down. Some time to night, after I sift through for stupid mistakes, I will be sending my committee, chapter five, the last chapter before my conclusion.

In followup to my last blog, I broke out of my funk on a beautiful Saturday morning. I got my pen out, and I started hacking away. The chapter reads much better now. The mantra works, esp. the part about transition sentences and digressions.

I would really like to catch Sarah McLachlan, who is coming to town in August. Tickets went on sale last week (I have no idea if they are sold out). I'm a total sucker for Lilith Fair-type performers. Fumbling Toward Ecstasy is one of my all-time favorite albums.

Wait...what did I just say about digressions? :)

Mantra

I had a bad day yesterday. I printed out a draft of my last chapter, and it just didn't make sense...UGH!

Remember Frank...

-Identify your point/theme
-Transitional sentences are a good thing
-Don't digress from your argument

(deep cleansing breath)
OK, here we go...

More Silliness from Heather

Here's another one from Heather...

Pholph's Scrabble Generator My Scrabble© Score is: 31. What is your score? Get it here.

Favorites...

I was going to do an end of the year favorites, but forgot (whoops!). I guess I have been a little preoccupied lately. Anyway, here they are. Feel free to leave your own:

BEST MOTION PICTURE: THE LORD OF THE RINGS, THE RETURN OF THE KING--inspite of all the hype, commercialism, underpaid actors, etc., I still loved it. I wanted to pick some daring Indy film so that my pick could be more hip. Truth is, however, I haven't been that excited to see a movie in a long time, and it lived up to a lot of the hype.

BEST BOOK: Honestly, I read very few books outside of my dissertation research last year; and none of those books would make this list.

BEST ALBUM: COLDPLAY'S, "RUSH OF BLOOD TO THE HEAD"--when I first a heard this band a few years ago, I thought that they were a total Raidohead ripoff. They grew on me to say the least. SPIN named them band of the year. Their melancholy lyrics and catchy melodies are perfect for my musical tastes, even if Charlie Dekay thinks their too whiny.

SONG OF THE YEAR: "BRING ME TO LIFE" BY EVANESCENCE--OK, it got played too much on the radio, but this is/was one hot song. I first heard it in Daredevil, when Jennifer Garner as Elektra Natchios was training to avenge her father's death. The song features a kicking beat with a driving metal guitar lick (and I hate metal). The album is pretty good as well. Too bad this band isn't very good live.

VIDEO GAME OF THE YEAR: MADDEN 2004--what else could waste so much of my time.

FAVORITE GADGET OF THE YEAR: TIE BETWEEN TIVO AND THE IPOD--I know these are not new, but I actually came in contact with both of these items last year. I drooled (and continue to drool) over AKMA's Ipod. How cool are they? I want one. We got TIVO this year, which allows us to pause live TV for all of those Janet Jackson moments (no, I didn't watch the Super Bowl) and digitally record up to 100 hours of programming. We can tape up to two shows while watching something else. It is really cool. Definitely worth the $5/month that we pay for it.

That's all I have time for right now.

Answers

Susie and Tripp got the first question right. In the top picture, there is only one current Seabury student.

The people in the picture are (from left to right):

Cameron Rex (former CCSP student)
Susie
Me
Shirley Paulson (right on Dave, a Christian Scientist from Garrett)
Phil Fackler (former CCSP student)

I still haven't figured out who the anonymous face is in the background. I thought maybe Trevor. OR maybe it is an apparition! Notice that the face is floating. I don't see any legs.

Trivia

True, I am on the Seabury website's homepage. The picture comes from the seminary's promotional video. I will buy anyone lunch if they can answer correctly the following two questions about the top photo (excluding the barely discernable face in the back):

1) How many current Seabury students are there in the photo?

2) What are the full names of everyone in the picture?

One correct answer and you will get a good ole Tom Slick, "yea."

Sheik not a geek

Thanks to Heather for this 3 minute diversion. I'm not sure that this is a good thing. I'm supposed to be an academic.

Take the Polygeek Quiz at Thudfactor.com

ZZZZZZZ

Okee dokee, I'm officially tired...

(But not as tired as the time on the post suggests. I think the clock on the servers must be off).

Library spaces

It must be near midterms for the NU students, because they are actually in the library. So now they talk (and eat) in the library rather than in their dorm rooms :)

For those of you who don't know, NU's library is very student friendly. There is plenty of room to study all over the library, AND (here's the important part), they're open late! During the school year, the library is open until 11:45 seven nights a week. In addition, they have a student study area sectioned off on the second floor called the CORE. It is open until 2:00 a.m. most nights. I believe that it is open 24 hours during finals week.

As always, when out late, be aware. There have been a few robberies lately at NU. NU has a late night get-you-home service that is available to their students. I'm not sure if Seabury students would qualify. If you leave when the library closes, there are usually a lot of people in and around the parking lot. I have always felt safe.

Just a suggestion in these lean times at the United Library...